Leaving Blogger

I am unsatisfied with Blogger so I am leaving it. I have created a new blog, with the same posts on Word Press titled Artistic Scientist. I might also create a Tumblr if I'm feeling crazy :) Subscribe to my Word Press, please!

Going Crazy

To my utter horror, this whole Bass Guy thing is getting worse. This morning I decided to reread his girlfriends profile info and I came across more evidence that she is my one-year-older-skinnier-twin. Sure, I have never spoken to her in person, nor have I ever hung out with her, but I can tell!

And my mind quickly wandered off to a very, VERY depressing thought. If it turns out that we are extremely similar and they do end up breaking up... That does not mean that he will come running to me. Why would he ever want to date his ex all over again? Also, if they broke up, doesn't that mean we aren't compatible? I just hope my judgment is skewed and I am horribly wrong and she is actually nothing like me.

I brought her up in our conversation for the very first time. He was telling me that he is starting to get ready for grad school auditions, because he is a junior :( And I asked what year his girlfriend is. She is a sophomore. And that was it... The conversation got awkward because I couldn't come up with an excuse for bringing her up fast enough and we ran out of things to say.

We don't chat daily anymore and we don't chat for very long either. I definitely burnt him out and he is probably totally tired of me, but I refuse to give up!

Fuck My Life.

He has a girlfriend.

I can't even think right know. It was just updated 2 minutes ago, while I was chatting with him. Perfect.

My friend had a similar thing happen to her. We started to intern for Environment California on the No On Prop 23 Campaign (STOP THE DIRTY ENERGY PROP) Anyway, our boss was way HOTT and super awesome and she totally fell for him. She spent like 5 hours a day with him and was really attached to him. We would always come home from work and talk about all of the signs he was giving her. Then it was ruined, and I was there. We were talking about next weeks plans and he said, "I wont be here this weekend because I'm going up to Portland to visit my girlfriend." It took everything I had to not look at her reaction. When he walked away, she was crushed. She can't even talk to him anymore because of what happened.

Damn it all.

HELP ME!

I need some serious help. I am getting so worked up over this guy and I have never even hung out with him. I feel like I only like the idea of him, rather than the actual person. Its impossible to tell because I don't know what he is like in person. I keep getting so worked up when I am around him that I probably seem so dull. I am trying with all my might to act normally around him, but then I think about how much I want him to like me. I know that if he doesn't like me for who I am, a relationship is worthless, but it just doesn't translate. I want him to love me.

I was browsing his profile on FB like I do everyday (I know you have done that before!) and my heart dropped to a point where I lost sensation in my toes. He had removed his relationship status. His FB no longer said he was "single." Does that mean he got a girlfriend? Or that he likes someone? It doesn't say anything more so I really have no clues. Maybe he just didn't want it to show anymore, or he doesn't want a girlfriend, I have no idea. I have calmed down a bit more now, but it still bothers me immensly.

The "don't talk to Bass Guy plan" failed miserably. I was working in the quad when my friend told me he was walking my way. Not towards me, but by me.
"Talk to him, say hi."
"No. I decided I am not talking to him until he talks to me."
"That's dumb, wave!"
"It's not dumb, no!"
"He's coming wave, say hi, do something."
"No." As I said that Bass Guy, who was looking my way, made eye contact. Oops. I pretended I didn't notice and looked away, and he walked off. Fail.

After that a few days passed, no Bass Guy. He doesn't even sign onto FB. He was busy practicing for the multiple concerts. (Speaking of which, is it smart to go to one?) And finally he is on FB, but inactive. Nothing, he doesn't say a word and signs off. He is probably relieved I am not chatting his eyes out. Oh good, that girl isn't interested anymore.

He signed back on last night and I said, "Hey, haven't talked to you in a while, how has life been going?" And we chat once again. It was shorter than some of the first ones, but it still made me feel good inside. But that feeling is gone today. I am sick of this game.

Should I ask to go to lunch one day? As friends, just to really communicate... I'm scared I'm gonna mess it up by not being true to my personality. HELP.

Love It All

Things have been going almost perfectly the past couple of days. Bass Guy and I chat on FB every night and on monday, he sat next to me! And we talked in person!

I said almost perfectly for a reason though. There are a few doubts that are ever present in my mind. The first is really bothering me.

There's a girl. No, not a girlfriend. But he still talks to her in person more than me and she is WAY skinnier than me. Not that I am fat, because I'm not, she is just very very skinny.
The other is that our conversations on FB are getting shorter. Well more like he is either tired of talking to me, or he really is sleeping more. I am trying to be optimistic and just say that the past couple hour long conversations messed up his sleeping schedule. Sunday night he logged off to go practice for a few hours and he said he would log back on around ten. So I waited. And he never signed back on. I eventually logged off and the next day he sat next to me in class and apologized profusely.

"I am so sorry I didn't sign back on last night, I finished practicing early and picked up a book to read for a little bit and I got lost in the book. I'm sorry," He said as soon as he sat down. I smiled and told him it didn't bother me, because I had an essay to write. Which was true.

That night we went to a study session together, kind of, and then I chatted with him for about an hour later that night. I'm worried it was a bit of an overload because last night when I went to talk to him again we only talked for about an hour before he went to bed.
In conclusion, I am not going to chat with him until he chats with me first. If he doesn't say anything in the next 2 days, then MAYBE I'll say something.

I don't really know what to do now. I am leaving the rest to him.

Oh and I forgot to mention, I made no eye contact nor did I even register that he was there and he still sat next to me. It was all on his own accord.

3rd Time's the Charm

So I guess that is true. I was feeling gutsy again, so I attempted to talk to Bass Guy again. This time he was actually active, so if he didnt talk to me this time i would be screwed.

"Hey," I wait a second.

And then I heard it... Pop.

"Yo." I could feel my face start to burn. I didn't think of anything to say. I ask my suitemates and tell me to relax. While I panic, he types, "What's up?"

I breathe a sigh of relief. With the aid of my suitemates, I type, "Just watching Youtube videos and chilling with my suitemates. How about you?"

"Just studying for my geology midterm and drinking some wine." And the conversation was off. We talked about volcanoes, earthquakes, the sierras, NAS and a bunch of other random stuff. I know not really romantic, but I have to start somewhere.

When we were talking about NAS, I asked, "Are you going to the extra credit thing tomorrow night?"

"I don't know, maybe." He replies. We continued to talk about the extra credit thing and eventually he said, "Well, I have to go to bed, maybe I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe, good night."

"Good night :)" And he signs off. I can't tell if I am over analyzing everything, but a smiley face is a good sign, right? Maybe not that he likes me, but that we are becoming friends? If so, that rocks. And doesn't "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" sound hopeful?

There's a lot going through my mind right now, I'll definitely post if he comes to the meeting thing. If he does, I wont be disappointed though, because I know he is probably practicing his with upright bass.

I'm Desparate.

I need a boyfriend this instant. I'm going to loose my mind. For the past two nights I have been having embarrassing dreams.... A particular moment that puzzled me was when I made out with a cute guy that had a crush on another girl. The startling detail was when I woke up and realized I recognized the boy. It was not Bass Guy but a boy who has been volunteering with me.

I have been debating on giving up on Bass Guy. My efforts are futile. So I guess my mind has moved on to the next subject already. I don't know his name, but he is cute, funny, and cares about the environment. That just sounds so fabulous to me. I'm gonna try to talk to him now and let Bass Guy fade into the background for a while. I have not given up on him yet though. Wow, I sound like such a slut. Damn it.

I must find out this guys name!

CHANGED THE TITLE!

As you can see, I changed my title. You are not on the wrong page.
This used to be Gallimaufry.

I'm Gonna Die

Not really, it's just a phrase that I use a lot.

I was making my daily visit to Facebook when I realized the infamous Bass Guy was online. Should I talk to him? And say what? I should talk to him. No, I shouldn't. What does it matter if I talk to him or not? Nothing... exactly.

So there I was, in a dilemma. I had already typed "Hey" and my fingers were resting on the Enter key. I took a deep breath and hit it. And now I am waiting. I can't think.
He hasn't said anything... I type, "How was your masterclass?" and I carelessly send it.
He still hasn't answered... His status just changed to idle. Fabulous.

I really want some sort of miracle to happen. Why can't he just write, "Good" or "Stop talking to me you freak!" No, actually, I hope he doesn't do that...
My point is, it can't be that hard to send some sort of message to me. At least I wouldn't be grasping at straws. I just need a sign, I'm still in that stage where if he were to tell me he's not interested, I could give up and find some other guy to faun over. Just move on... it's really easy for me.

I was rejected by three guys in high school. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I decided to tell them, I just figured if they liked me, cool; if they didn't, I would give up. (I guess I just don't like sitting around waiting.) Two of the guys proceeded to tell me that I was too good for them. They would just bring me down and they would never want something like that to happen to a girl like me. And then I asked out the best of the best. You see, I am a full bred drama kid and there was this guy that everyone liked, even some of the guys liked him (but that's not really surprising since it was drama class). I knew there was no way he could get away with saying I'm too good for him! I ended up with an email that went something like this: "You're great and all, but your not what I'm looking for." Great. Where the hell is the middle ground?

I am just so lost. What should I do? Give up and wait for the man to make the move? That could possibly never happen.

He still hasn't replied. I'm such an idiot.

MY LIFE!

Mind Infection

My mind is becoming possessed by one thought, or better yet, one person. Bass guy is starting to rule my days and my Facebook. Every time I log on I have to check his page. It's becoming an obsession and my suite mates are starting to show signs of annoyance. I can't help it though, I have never really had a boyfriend (minus two gay guy friends I miss took as something more...) nor have I been kissed, felt love, or made love... not that I'm in a hurry to spread my legs. I just want to be caressed by a man who likes, or even loves, me.

This Bass Guy crush is slowly turning into a hopeless infatuation.

He talked to me the other day! I was walking into my NAS class after all week of not having it, the teacher was sick, and I sarcastically said, "Are we actually having class today?" Out of a room full of people, Bass Guy just HAD to be the one to speak up. "Who knows?" Only to make me feel even better, a girl (who is much prettier than me) came in and said the exact thing only to be ignored by Bass Man. Oh and I forgot to mention that he was all-too-smoothly leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on his bass. Yum. He had a performance that day and had to leave class early to perform. God, I wish I could have been there...

I keep wanting to email him, but I have nothing to say. I'm too chicken to sit next to him in class, nor look him in the eye when he is looking back. I don't know what I'm gonna do. It would be super amazing if he emailed me telling me he wanted to go on a date... That probably wont happen...

Facebook Rocks

READ BASS GUY FIRST!

So many of my friends and suite mates joke about my stalking skills. But to me its not a joke, it's a skill. I'm just kidding, I'm by no means a stalker. I just logged onto our class portal where it should the names of all our classmates and Charles happened to be the only Charles. Lucky me. So I quickly found him on Facebook and added him.

It took only a couple hours for him to accept my request. Definitely a confidence booster. I was browsing through his pictures to find out a few more things about him. However, I was unsuccessful in learning his age. He was clearly over 21, because he posted how his beer got confiscated.

I keep having doubts that he is just too good for me. I am so average and boring, not to mention way younger than him, that I don't think he would give me a chance. Lame.

I saw him in the cafeteria yesterday and one of my friends tried to boost my confidence by telling me he looked my way. Even though I want to believe it, I don't.

Bass Guy

My family came up with this theory before I left for college. That theory went something like this: on my first day of college in my first class ever, the love of my life will sit behind me. Sure it was just a joke, but I still wanted it to really happen. How cool would that be, to find my future husband like that?

My first class was supposed to be Native American Studies (NAS), but I crashed an English course on my first day. Behind me sat a very cute boy with gorgeous eyelashes, but not-so-cute of an attitude. I know I shouldn't judge, but I know you have done this before. He looked like the kind of guy who goes to college for the party scene. Also known as, not my type. Still thinking positively, I thought that maybe NAS would be the fateful class. I was discouraged to walk in only to realize the seats were staggered like a brick wall. How was I supposed to tell who was behind me?? Instead I eagerly watched each student filter in.

And that was the precise moment I saw him, Bass Guy. I am not referring to the guitar looking bass, but the damn fine upright bass. This man (whoo!) is the very stereotypical tall, dark, and handsome while carrying the very instrument of my dreams. I am horrible at judging height, but he was definitely taller than me (at 5'4'') and was wearing glasses with some not-quite-new, but not-too-old clothes. His hair was short with dark curly waves. Oh, and I will never forget those side burns! I was never able to tell his eye color because of how fast he passed by. Because the class was so full he stood up front looking for a seat only to quietly say to himself, "Ooh, a corner seat!" and dash over to set down his beast of an instrument.

At the time, I was a rather stupid person, because I left out the embarrassing detail that he was originally called Cello Guy. Anyone who knows anything about stringed instruments is probably giving me a very confused look. How could anyone that in love with an instrument not know that difference between a bass and a cello? Well, reason number one is that I had never seen one in real life before. Number two, I only knew what I came across on the internet. After listening to Bach's Cello Suite Two, and seeing a girl play the bass, I was all mixed up.

Sadly, I didn't find the difference out until I talked to him and he corrected me. Yes, I talked to Bass Guy, and humiliated myself. However, I would like to say I pulled it of quite smoothly. One day after class I decided, "What could it hurt to talk to him?" As he packed his things, I timed my own packing to match his. As soon as we left the room, I suddenly said, "Hey, I saw you carrying in that cello the other day--" and he interrupted me.

"It's a bass, but, yeah, I carry it with me to class sometimes so I can practice immediately afterward. I'm Charles." He proceeded to shake my hand. Oh yeah...
"I'm Emily, do you practice often?"
"At least 5-6 hours every day. I'm kind of a practice fiend." My brain shut down. Six hours? A day?! He must be good.
(This conversation was a few weeks ago so I'm forgetting the details, but I remember the good parts! I'll just skip to them...)
"So I noticed your left handed, too." Whoa, he noticed? How long was he watching me? Oh dang... He probably just over heard the conversation about the stupid desks and how hard it is to write with them when you are left handed.
"Yeah, but I only write with my left hand, I do everything else with my right."
"Me too, I throw, punch, and swing with my right hand." He even has a sense of humor? Could this get any better? (Another blank, fast forward to what I remember)
"I felt like I was a little late in the game, you know? Like I'm too old for college." Ohno, how old is he? He couldn't be that much older than me.
"I don't think there is an age limit to college, socially."
"Yeah, things have been going good so far."
"What class do you have right now? Anything?"
"Nope, I'm just going to go get a coffee and practice, you?" Damn it, why do I have to have class right now? I want to go!
"I have dance right now." That just had to be the precise moment some pretty girl had to come talk to him. I just walked away, hesitating only for a moment, "Should I say bye, or 'see ya'?" I decided neither, so I wouldn't interrupt the girl and walked away. That was the one and only time I talked to him so far, but there will be more!

The Massive World of Literature

My senior year of high school I took my first ever AP English class. Which was amazing! This class opened my eyes to the vast universe of LITERATURE. Most people would groan at the thought of having to read those seemingly endless pages of nonsense and fancy words. Why would anyone bother to read that on their free time? Well, I would.

I am determined to read all the literature I can before I die! However, I don't know what books I should read. Any suggestions?

Here is the list I have developed so far:
-The Brother's Karamazov
-Don Quixote
-Wuthering Heights
-East of Eden
-1984
Yeah, it's a short list! So give me more.

While we are on the topic of reading, I will make sure to keep you posted on my progress through the books.

*If you know of any fabulous books that are not literature, but still worth reading, please feel free to tell me.

Me!

So, I guess I'm just writing to share my thoughts with the world! I have a lot of them and sometimes I just wonder if anyone else shares them. Blogging seems to be super popular so I figured I would check it out.

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME!
-I'm vegetarian
-I'm a college student
-I'm majoring in Environmental Science
-I love the arts
-I love my family (more than the arts)
-I love to read!
-I have no vocal talent (aka I can't sing...)
-I'm on a hunt for love and passion <3

And that's about as much info about me as I will share, because-- frankly-- I am afraid of stalkers.

My roommate is playing "Have A Little Faith In Me" and it is making me feel like I am having an inspirational, life changing moment right now. Of course, I'm really not (but it's a cool feeling anyway). I love how music can completely change my mood or how I see my surroundings. I know I sound like a total hippie right now, but guess what, I am one! So deal! :) Yes. I hug trees. I will save that discussion for another day.